Friday, January 14, 2011

On Being

Never Too Late


The clock says 03:15. Insomnia visits me most nights. I don't really mind, I find working at this time of night sort of chill. I can hear the ticking of the clocks and not much else. My thoughts and feelings trickle out onto the screen with relative ease. I'm writing an article for Tracey Clark's I Am Enough collaborative.

I am enough. I turned 42 less than a month ago, and I've only just begun to see that I am enough. And that I don't need to earn the title I am enough. I received this title the moment my life came into being. I've put down that glass of Zinfindel, smashed that crack pipe and paused. In that pause I'm finding myself, finding that I can be me, on my own, without self-destructing. In that pause I'm discovering these foreign concepts called feelings. I'm discovering that I need not become my feelings, that I can feel them and survive them. What a novel concept.

3 comments:

Thomas said...

I concur that you are enough. Feelings are like thoughts in that just because we are experiencing them doesn't mean we have to believe what they are saying, especially if they don't serve us.

claire said...

With Thomas I concur that you are enough.

Thank you for mentioning your feelings. I need not become my feelings. You remind me of something that was said to me years ago regarding meditation. 'Imagine that you are on a balcony, watching your feelings and thoughts go by. Let them go by.'

Mind you some feelings are pretty scary. I just had one like that a moment ago when I suddenly remembered waiting for my mother's return home -- when she did not want to return home and spent hours at a bar somewhere. So I had to breathe the old pain and release peace in its stead. Suddenly I was not 64 but 9 all over again.

Blessings on your journey.

PS: I love your George Elliot quote.

Susan said...

Beautiful and right up my alley.

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