Sunday, May 29, 2011

Point of Inflection

I imagine that my mood disorder defines a curve between two poles, hence the name, bipolar. Well, right now I find myself at this curve's point of inflection. That means I'm neither up nor down, just .... straight, as in baseline. I think I so rarely find myself at this place called baseline, that I feel uncomfortable living and breathing here. I feel alien, and also, as though awaiting something unknown, unseen, unheard, yet a great and grand something which could rescue me from this dreary place called "normal." For I suppose that's what baseline is, right ~ normal? I don't like being here, it's like the blur in the image below. I almost don't know what to do with myself.

Thankfully, I have the minor distraction that a good book provides. But, in this state, one ~ a restless one, at that ~ can only read so much, And that's when I attempt to live vicariously through others via Facebook, Blogger and Tumblr. I can't take my mind off of the writing of my book. Where did I put that big stick, again .... it's time to beat myself up with that, my big stick. Gah! I have writer's block. At least that's what I'm calling it. When last I spent time writing in my manuscript, (several days ago) I surprised myself by revealing some deep truths. They're somewhat ugly, in that I very much would rather NOT look at them.

{SIGH} ... And so it goes.


Donna said...

I relate with this post. the baseline state,'s boring finding yourself their. I too am writing a book it's about my son's death 7 years ago..and the writing flows and then it get's ugly and i stop..

p.s. i stole your happy bunny to post on my blog. thank you for that.


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