Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Trust 30 ~ 15 Minutes to Live

I started smoking crack to quell the howling inside my head. Instantly, it would set my heart hammering, as though trying to break out of my chest cavity. Instantly, it would create a fantasmagorical euphoria. A euphoria that forbade me from seeing beyond itself, from seeing the falseness of it all. I believed myself to have wound up and tidied all unravelled bits of myself. I told myself that my world had knitted itself together like an expert weaver repairs an unravelled cloth. How I believed my own lies! How I cheated myself from touching and tasting the truth! My heart divided itself, chamber by chamber. My capacity for compassion shrivelled. The iciness of dread struck me, day after day. The virtue in me died, leaving only the stink of desperation, which clung to me like sand does to wet toes. Betrayal and deception became my best friends. I threw down the hearts of all who loved me, and watched them shatter into a million tiny pieces. And now, and now I find myself seated at a table, covered with each tiny shard of broken-ness. My task? To piece each heart back together. God has given me an eternity to complete this task. And I shall nurture it.

{This post created for #Trust 30 ~ a 30-day writing challenge that will foster self-reliance.}


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