Thursday, December 30, 2010

#Reverb10 ~ December 31st

Core Story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.) (Author: Molly O’Neill)

I felt that strange pain inside, the pain of a dying spirit, my spirit. I felt so dead, so paralyzed, so incredibly inert. I inhaled life almost solely through a brillo-stuffed crack pipe. The thing that I believed made me feel alive actually killed me, in a slow fade, so slowly I failed to notice. So slowly that I could used denial to block out the real damage to my body. I long ceased to recognize my body as beautiful, as a temple, instead treating it like a sort of cesspool. How much pain did I cause to those who loved me, the real me? Only they can tell you. Only they could tell you what it felt like to witness me, at the pinnacle of my addiction to crack. I've forgotten those horrid parts, being high and all. But those beloved, those who resided outside the circumference of my addiction, they watched it all on the big screen we call sobriety. And so, should I receive forgiveness? That seems a tall order, to me. And yet, those I loved, those I hurt by my deeds and words, they've embraced me, the way the father embraced his prodigal son's return. By surrendering, I've received the graces of healing and forgiveness. And that's my story of recovery. 

image credit: the black rabbit


chickory said...

beautiful post. i love the clarity of your look back -the shining hope and the realization that you do have love and forgiveness. Ive heard that crack burns out your happiness receptors...i hope that the natural happy is coming back strong. what i wish for you is a full life savoring the little goodnesses all around us. i love that you soak up the glories of nature -very healing too. You are never alone. always know that.


Come over to Boxers party at some point today. you'll earn money for charity with each comment.

Boxer said...

Yes. You should receive forgiveness.

Never feel alone in whatever journey you're on.

Thank you for coming by my party today and I hope you come back.

Happy Happy 2011. My 2010 sucked. Let's make the next one, fabulous.

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