Saturday, July 09, 2011

One Year

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
 ~ Marilyn Monroe


Today marks 1 year clean and sober for me. The past year brought monumental changes into my life and also my self. I cried, laughed, screamed, and prayed. I lived with 17 drug-addicted women in a rehab house, for the first and I hope the last time in my life. I have trustworthy and likable-lovable women in my life ~ me, who tends to mistrust and push away women! I discovered the 12 steps, they work, no shit, they work. I find I have more patience and tolerance than I ever did in my whole life. I no longer play the role of control freak, because I no longer need to control everything around me. {whew! does that ever feel good!} I won't lie ~ staying clean has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. The work didn't stop when I reached step 12, nor when I graduated from the rehab programme. The work happens every day. Every day, presents a new battle with myself. And also, the opportunities to do those certain things and cleave to those certain people/affiliations that will keep me clean and sober.

So, thanx to all those who loved me and stuck by me at my worst, throughout my metamorphosis, and still stick by me now, today. You know who you are and I love you for it .... xoxoxo

2 comments:

Gayle said...

my beloved,

you. are. stupendous numinous light.

i am so glad i found you :)

and i am ever gladder you found you :) (hug)

congratulations, dear one. happy birthday <3

gayle

McCaffery said...

I am also really glad to have found your blog. We have some of the same issues, bipolar, addiction, and you keep it real here, from what I have seen. Love that. Congratulations on your milestone and I am sorry I am late with my wishes. My recovery anniversary is also in July!

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